In my historical novel “FIRST FRUITS IN JERUSALEM”, (presently at a British Publisher to be read) I describe the practice of the so-called Shiva, the seven days of mourning. In the story, because of the suicide, the parents are not allowed to mourn for the dead.
Mourning is the act of grieving over the death of a loved one. Jewish law and traditions provide a specific framework to guide mourners through their grief.
Judaism has a strong element of the acceptance of death and the seven days of mourning – Shiva – is a helpful tool by which people are not left alone in their grief, but surrounded by family and friends.
Jewish laws of mourning balance emotionalism and philosophic wisdom. Mourners are expected to cry, tear their garments and participate in the burial ceremony. However, they are not to mourn too much, nor for too long. The emphasis of the mourning period is to recover from the loss and to focus on the business of living.
In a Jewish family, after the burial the mourners return to the home where the shiva takes place and eat a meal consisting of bread and a hard boiled egg which is provided by others, as a sign of compassion and communal concern. In Orthodox families mourners sit on the floor on low cushions or benches. They won’t shave, bathe, go to work, or wear freshly laundered clothes. Some people cover the mirrors in the house of mourning.
In Sephardic communities visitors bring prepared food for the mourners, and offer consolation. In Ashkenazi communities bringing food is considered improper.
Visitors don’t greet the mourners, but speak in quiet, consoling words.
During Shabbat, a house in mourning won’t receive any visitors, as the Shabbat is seen as the Queen, and a day of rejoicing.
The Shiva ends on the morning of the seventh day, but the mourning continues in a lesser content through the 30the day, called the Shloshim.
Religious Jews don’t cut their hair during this time, nor shave, wear new clothes or attend parties.
The custom of marking the anniversary of the death is called the Yahrzeit.
Excerpt from the Encyclopedia of Judaism.
